🌻 Counselling 8 years on — spot the difference

September 2018 → September 2026.

Eight years ago, I was starting my counselling career at an addiction centre.

And apparently, my frugal nature means I kept some things! But a lot has changed.

When I look at these two photographs, I think about how much has changed. Eight years ago, I was beginning my counselling career. Today, I’m sitting in my own cosy counselling cabin in Wickford, having spent eight years learning, growing, reflecting and becoming the counsellor I am today.

But there is another part of my journey that feels important to share.

I’ve spent time in the other chair.

When I was studying counselling, around 11 years ago, I used to get the hump with the idea that you can only take a client as far as you have gone yourself. It felt like a big ask. I remember thinking, “Really? Have you seen my life and the mistakes I’ve made? Eeeeek!”

But my commitment to my own healing journey, and to the therapist I wanted to become, meant that I had to be willing to spend time as the client too.

And I’m really grateful that I did.

Because being in the other chair has taught me something that qualifications and books alone can’t teach you:

Starting therapy can be hard.

It can be frightening to sit opposite another person talking about the things you’ve perhaps never said out loud before.

It can take courage to be vulnerable.

And it can take time to trust that you won’t be judged.

I don’t ever want to lose sight of what that feels like.

Perhaps that’s one of the reasons empathy sits so firmly at the heart of my work.

Today, I deliver counselling with curiosity and empathy.

I believe people can be very hard on their past selves. I know I was:

“I should have done better.”

“I should have known better.”

But our past selves didn’t have today’s capacity, resilience, knowledge or wisdom.

They were doing the best they could with what they understood at the time.

For me, counselling is about becoming curious about that rather than judging it.

Empathy can lead to self-understanding.

Self-understanding can lead to self-validation.

And once we understand ourselves a little better, we can develop a healthier kind of introspection — one that helps us understand where we fit into our world, how we interact with others and what we might want to change.

With self-love and introspection, we can begin to choose different ways of interacting or different ways of coping.

Not because we feel shame about who we were, but because we understand ourselves better.

Carl Rogers said it in one beautiful sentence:

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

And perhaps Yalom’s idea makes a little more sense to me now than it did 11 years ago.

We may not need to have travelled the whole road.

But I do think we need to be willing to travel our own road.

To keep learning.

To keep reflecting.

To keep being curious about ourselves.

Because my meaning in life has always been about helping people.

And I’m incredibly grateful that, somewhere along the way, that desire to help people helped me too.

Eight years on, I’m still learning.

Still curious.

Still human.

And still very grateful that I can sit in both chairs when and if I need to. 🌻